Ill Never Fall to Peer Pressure Again
A Kenmore mom of iii, Mandie Neher hadn't expected her children to confront complex group dynamics and outright peer pressure in elementary school.
Merely that's what happened.
At the start of the terminal school twelvemonth, one of her daughter Emma's third-grade classmates brought Binaca jiff spray to schoolhouse, which isn't allowed. This classmate and a few others went about coercing peers to break the rules by using the minty spray. "They said things like 'Just endeavour information technology' and 'Come on, it'southward not going to hurt you,'" says Neher. If someone refused, which Emma did, "they were called names and told that nobody would be their friend."
"Nosotros were floored," says Neher. "We never expected these types of situations or these conversations at such a young age."
Parents conceptualize peer pressure when their children are teenagers. But in elementary school?
Count on it. Inquiry shows that peer pressure begins well before adolescence — a new study from the Academy of Maryland found that children recognize the value of group loyalty and feel social pressure every bit early on as historic period 9.
The age-old problem of peer force per unit area has a few new wrinkles: Besides starting earlier, it's happening at lightning speed and on an unprecedented calibration, fueled by social media. And today's children may be less equipped to resist peer force per unit area, thanks to overprotective "helicopter parents."
Simply increasingly, experts are saying that peer pressure may not deserve its bad rap. So-called "positive" peer pressure level can actually help tweens and teens resist drinking, smoking and other negative behaviors — the very same things that negative peer pressure can incite them to endeavour. And your parenting practices can help determine whether peer pressure is your kid's friend or foe.
The new peer pressure
Peer pressure is certainly alive and well among today's teens: Ninety percent of teens admit to being influenced or pressured past peers. Well-nigh three-quarters say that giving in to peer pressure has boosted their social standing. And peer pressure influences behavior at a younger age than previously idea. In a recent study, researchers at the University of Southern California expected to find that pressure from peers to fume cigarettes peaks in high school. Instead, they discovered that pressure level to smoke is greater in center school than in high school.
And it'due south not just smoking: Pressure from peers motivates nearly every blazon of negative beliefs, from unsafe driving to sex to bullying. Nearly half of teens admit they drive more responsibly without the influence of friends in the auto, co-ordinate to a study by the Allstate insurance visitor. Researchers from Temple University found that teens run 40 pct more xanthous lights and accept 60 per centum more than accidents when friends are passengers. The Kaiser Family unit Foundation reports that 1-third of teenage boys and nearly a quarter of teenage girls feel pressured to have sexual activity.
Peer pressure may play a major role in bullying behavior, as well. A study by ParentFurther found that one-half of teens said they'd picked on someone later seeing a peer practice the same.
Virtual peers
But experts say the biggest gene in modern peer pressure is social networking via websites such as Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr, used past some 90 percent of American teens, according to Common Sense Media. A recent national report past the Prevention Enquiry Centre of Michigan found that teens' alcohol and drug employ is influenced by what they encounter in their Facebook news feed: The more alcohol-related photos and posts teens saw from friends on social networking sites, the more oftentimes they drank alcohol themselves.
This "virtual peer pressure" is new peer pressure, says Orly Katz, Ph.D., a youth empowerment and life skills adept and author of Peer Pressure vs. True Friends! Surviving Junior High. On Facebook, children can reject and blacklist others, encourage hate groups and ostracize others instantly, she says. "If in the by, merely your child's form knew if he was ostracized, today, with Facebook, everyone knows, everyone tin see it and everyone reads it right now!"
In the churning, frothy Facebook earth, numbers are power, says Katz. Children collect friends and "likes" to demonstrate their popularity and influence — which can be used to pressure level peers with a few keystrokes. Behind a screen, a bully has power, particularly a neat with lots of Facebook friends.
"Everything is assessed through this common cold and stressful numerical measure — how many friends someone has, or how many likes or comments. People barely focus on content, simply on figures," she says.
The worst manner social media pressures tweens and teens is that it normalizes "bad" behavior, says Rosalind Wiseman, parenting educator and writer of Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World, the book on which the movie Mean Girls was based.
"It makes it seem similar everyone is doing it, whatever 'it' happens to be. It could be taking sexually provocative pictures of yourself and sending them to someone you accept a shell on or it could exist forwarding that same picture to all your friends."
'Heli-parents'
When information technology comes to resisting peer pressure, today's kids have a few advantages. Parents' influence is as strong as ever, says Jennifer Heckard, a Tacoma-based middle schoolhouse teacher and mom of two school-age children. "I encounter kids the same historic period every bit mine and in loftier school who are actually talking to parents and church building communities. They want to hear what not-peers say."
Many of today's kids are close to their parents — sometimes in constant contact, thanks to the ubiquity of cell phones. Every bit of 2013, 78 percent of teens own a cell phone, and nearly one-half of parents use a mobile phone to rails their teen'southward location. According to the Pew Research Center, near 70 percent of teens report talking on the phone to their parents daily. Parents are communicating with their kids and keeping tabs on them. So why does peer pressure all the same take such a stiff hold?
A trend toward overprotective "helicopter parenting" may be partly to blame, says Katz. Although statistics on helicopter parenting are difficult to come up by, one study presented at the 2010 Association of Psychological Science Convention in Boston establish that 10 percent of parents qualify for the championship; multiple studies show that educated parents are spending more and more time actively parenting — in other words, hovering over — their children.
Katz believes that children of helicopter parents cope less effectively with peer pressure than other children. Helicopter parents "hover" and practise nearly everything for their offspring, says Katz. "They take difficulty setting limits for their children, which, in turn, makes it hard for these children to set limits for their friends."
The second challenge: Kids aren't the only ones dealing with peer pressure, says Wiseman. Parents feel pressure level from their peers, as well, and when kids witness their parents "keeping upwardly with the Joneses," it reinforces their impulse to follow the oversupply. "Adults don't like to admit to anyone, including themselves, that they aren't above being pressured by their peers. If our kids see united states in relationships of diff ability and influence, they're going to believe our actions more than our words."
Combined, these reasons make it pretty easy for young people to disregard any well-meaning communication we're giving them nearly peer pressure, Wiseman says.
Positively pressured
Peer pressure isn't all bad, though. According to Tina Rosenberg, writer of Join the Club: How Peer Pressure level Tin Transform the Globe, peer pressure level can motivate positive personal changes — such equally meeting a weight-loss goal — along with big-calibration, sweeping social movements, such equally ceremonious rights and gender equality.
Inquiry from Middlesex University in London establish that positive peer pressure prevented rampage drinking in 14- and 15-year-olds; another U.K. report found that a grassroots antismoking campaign employing positive peer force per unit area curbed teen smoking more effectively than typical fear-based appeals.
Today'southward youth are known for being more environmentally and civically minded, says clinical psychologist Michelle P. Maidenberg, Ph.D., of Harrison, Due north.Y. "Peers tin positively influence other peers to volunteer, work toward becoming more than 'greenish,' stay away from drugs and booze, and thrive in their academics and goals."
Positive peer pressure helps maintain self-confidence and a sense of belonging and pregnant, says Katz. "And more chiefly, it's more fun for your child to have good friends with similar values."
Depressurizing
So how can parents help children resist negative peer pressure? Kickoff, expect for signs that peer pressure level is becoming a problem, says Maidenberg. These can include changes in mental attitude, withdrawal from parents and family activities, sudden materialism, or intense interest in "taboo" behaviors or possessions.
In other words, if your 8-yr-old begins begging for a prison cell phone or a trendier backpack every bit soon as school resumes in the fall, it'south probably not a coincidence or a passing phase — she's responding to social influences and a desire to fit in, the precursors of peer pressure level.
"Virtual" peer pressure level on social networks can be trickier to fight, simply because parents may not see it. A major educational campaign is in order to educate children and teens about resisting online peer pressure level and wielding electronic influence wisely, says Katz.
Just at that place is something parents can practise today to protect their children online: Connect to their child's Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr accounts — immediately. The key is not waiting until we sense danger or exposure to abuse, says Katz. "Don't remain passive, considering passivity will come dorsum to haunt you when it comes to virtual peer pressure."
A strong parental presence has a protective event confronting peer pressure. In a study published in Developmental Psychology, middle-school-age children without developed supervision were more swayed by peer pressure level to engage in antisocial behavior. "In full general, when children are appropriately supervised by adults and adults are actively involved in their lives, both at a physical and emotional level, they are less susceptible to peer pressure," says Maidenberg.
Mandie Neher took swift action when she noticed peer-related changes in Emma'south behavior concluding year. "She consistently had a bad attitude subsequently hanging out at certain friends' homes. I couldn't take the talking dorsum, disrespect and 'know it all' attitude," says Neher. She started limiting playdates with those friends and encouraging friendships with different children, ones who didn't seem to have the same negative influence on Emma. "We're now much more disquisitional of her friends — and their parents!"
Malia Jacobson is a nationally published parenting journalist and mom of iii.
Standing up to peer pressure
- Sentinel for signs that peer pressure level is becoming a problem: withdrawal from family activities, sudden materialism, disrespect toward parents and back talk.
- Encourage and develop leadership qualities. Talk with your child virtually the importance of making your own decisions instead of beingness led by others.
- Resist adult peer pressure level or the pressure to "keep upwardly the Joneses."
- Connect to your kid'southward Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr and other social networking accounts, and monitor the websites regularly.
- Research shows that some children are more than susceptible to peer pressure level: latchkey kids with minimal developed supervision, those with low self-esteem and those on the autism spectrum.
Be peculiarly watchful if your child meets any of these criteria.
Source: Michelle P. Maidenberg, Ph.D., clinical psychologist
Source: https://www.parentmap.com/article/peer-pressure-why-it-seems-worse-than-ever-and-how-to-help-kids-resist-it
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